journal for mom

July 20th Kylie seems discouraged...

July 19, 2015  Kylies Journal:

I feel pretty awful this morning. I am having a hard time- for a while feeling consistently motivated. I know I can work harder, be better and really enjoy this work but I’ve found myself at a loss to know what to do.  Which is weird because I love being here and being a missionary and I love hard work – yet I find myself tempted to just stop trying and it is just not me.  Every morning waking up is impossibly hard.  I do not feel happy or well rested and so when 6:30 rolls around I feel like I cant get up. Then I find myself impatient with my comps and unforgiving of small things they’ve done.  WHATS WRONG with me?!  Throughout the day I feel a rekindling desire to work harder to speak to lots of people and then I get caught up in more angry thoughts about Sister Belavodskia and her constant use and addition to her phone which hinders us all from the Spirit. And it is like if I do not do everything perfect my companions will just do whatever.  I don’t think I am strong enough to pull all three of us everyday for 6 weeks and so I’m tired and running out of gas.  From the outside I do everything basically right yet I feel nothing. We have no intrinsic motivation – we (my comps) need to be influenced to work.  So then why don’t I work harder?  Well the first 3 weeks I did – trying to pull it all together – ADD it is too much to remember and do all by myself and I got too serious because I was the one who needed to focus on work all the time – but I realized I needed to learn to be fun then stupid things like not allowed music from our mini’s phones or talking to each other on the street or too long lunches because Sister Belavodskia needs something from a store everyday or we have like 15 “fun” activities planned that are supposed to be fun and hard work too, but almost always turn out to be only fun and a waste of our time.  We have done some really good things too and I have learned a lot- don’t get me wrong, but mostly I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of Gods time and used too much of my money (from God Missionary Compensation Fund) for dumb meaningless activities that aren’t really progressing the work and I feel a lot of regret for the time of this transfer.  It is hard to be consistent, hard working, and doing all things correctly when you have different minds and wills at play.  I know it is no excise though because I can only make decisions for myself.  I just don’t know how to find the balance.  If I’m too strict our Mini hates me and I know love in a companionship is important, but if I relax AT ALL she takes advantage and things get out of control.  I didn’t used to be so uptight, but now I feel regret and disappointment in myself and I want to change, but not just say it.  I want to actually do.  So now I feel so sad I don’t know where to get the motivation.  I came here for a year and a half to dedicate my life to God.  SO WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?  Today I will fast and partake of the Sacrament.  I want to make a commitment to work harder- to exercise faith. I want God to know that I am sorry, but I also want to feel ok because I feel so much regret about even the smallest things like 5 minutes too long talking to our Elders when we could have been out on the streets, or calling people.  We need to declare REPENTANCE and Salvation to these people. And I need repentance too.  Lord, give me the strength to do all of this. Amen.

2 Nephi 9:21-24, James 1: 17-26 (especially 22 and 25), James 2:17

Our Mini's 

Wearing our badges

Primary Class

Sister Pugachovas birthday wall

Sister Pugachovas Birthday Dress Up

Dressing up as each other

Primary

Primary kids

Water Fight at bedtime

Fun Moments

i want to be a missionary forever

July 13, 2015

HI FAMILY AND FRIENDS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

The first thing I would like to tell all this week is that I have new clothes. Why is that important you might wonder? Well. Let me tell you a quick story. I was washing all my white clothes, skirt, shirts, and many garments. Cool right? You wash whites with whites. Well some time later the washing machine was done and I went to go hang up my clothes to dry. AND I KNOW have new pink clothes. My dear sweet mini missionary decided to add her RED skirt after I left. I tried everything I could to get them to be white again but in the end I just love my mini missionary more than clothes but I am most definitely Charpay from High school musical (it was my nickname in the MTC) because everything I own is now pink. NEAT huh? Ha I know that years from now I will look back and laugh. For now I am just one giant pink blob.

(Read the parable of the Sower in Mark 4 and 1 Nephi 8 at the same time- I did this during personal study and it was crazy cool!!!!)

This week we set a large goal of giving 15 Book's of Mormon and guess what? We were so so blessed and we were able to give out 34 Books of Mormon and things are really starting to look up. Our week is full of plans to teach and it is my favorite thing. I am so happy! 

We have been seeing so many miracles here and we are working hard and sometimes working ahrd to help each other. It is sometimes hard to be in a companionship of 3 but it is also such a blessing. Also this branch is growing stronger and we are close to the memebers here like never before and it is making me so happy. 

One small thing that made me so happy this week was when me and my comps stopped to talk to this old women who uses a broken peice of wood with nails sticking out to be a cane and she and I talked for 20 minutes about God and other things and I could barely understand her but tried so hard because she only wanted to talk to me, and then when we were saying goodbye she told me "I love you." In english. It was so amazing to hear those words out loud in my language. It has been so long since I have heard that. 

I am just learning to love love love the people here. We have one new investitagor named Katerina and she is 75 and like our little grandma. She may be one of the sweetest people I have ever met in my entire life. She watches us go down the street after we leave and feeds us even though she does not have much and she just feels the spirit so strongly. I see her in God's arms someday. So we will continue to work so that she can be bapstised. She is so believing and she is provo slovnic but it loving the book of mormon and our message and what she feels when we are in her home. we are so lucky that God trusts us enough to let us be a part of this work.

day after day I feel incredibly blessed to be here. I feel blessed to be struggling with the language and sometimes with my companions because I am learning so much and it is truly indescribable the feelings I have when I pray when I bear my testimony, when I hug my comps or when we walk around this city handing out Book's of Mormon. More now than ever I know this plan is from God. It incompasses all. AND HE IS ALL. He is my joy and I am so so excited to see Him again someday. to thank him in real life for this oppurutinuty. For all the people my life is blessed with. I love you all so much. I am eternally grateful for each and everyone of you. Please now that and please feel of my love all the way from Ukraine. I love this work.

I want to always be a missionary. 

Have a wonderful miracle filled week. God loves you! And I love you too.

Love Cectpa Karren 

PS: me and my comps have FUN and we are swol and crazy too. We call ourselves KarBelPoog (кэрбелпуг) Enjoy these photos XAXAXA

P Day and COWS. Workin on the farm ;)

A little Crazy!

SO SWOLL!

Garden Work

Mission Newsletter

“If There is One Thing I know, That is That the Gospel is True”
President Boyd K.Packer

Ukraine Kyiv Mission

13 July 2015
Elders and Sisters,

Hello to our amazing Elder's and Sister's! We love you! We miss you! 🎶 We are coming home to

you...🎶 This Wednesday we will leave to return back home to Ukraine. It has been a wild 3 weeks but

we have had some really neat experiences at the same time. It ended up being a tender mercy to be here

that our family will always remember and be grateful that we were here. When Grandpa Packer passed

they had 10 children, 60 grandchildren, 111 great grandchildren and with spouses 236 total. What a

legacy to leave behind. Grandpa spent his years serving the Lord. He loved to teach and through his talks

he has taught his posterity. I hope and pray that while we are here on earth we can live up to the

standards that grandpa has set. Being with him two days before he passed the spirit was so strong as we

talked about our mission. As we talked about our purpose. Many times grandpa teared up as he

continually shared how grateful he was that the future generations are moving the work forward. The

one thing that stuck out to me is when he got very emotional and said “if there is one thing I know, that

is that the gospel is true." Oh how we love grandpa and Grandma Packer. I know that on the other side

grandpa got right to work. I also know that he will continue to teach those of us as we serve our Lord

and Savior Jesus Christ. I am grateful to be a Packer. We will attach some of the pictures from the

funeral. We love you we can't wait to see you. When we get back in town we will work our way around

the mission and hope to see many of you!

with the passing of Grandpa Packer. We were able to go to his funeral and it was such a neat experience

Love,
Sister Packer

Quote: “If someone is looking for a church that requires very little, this is not the one. It is not easy to be a Latter-day Saint, but in the long run it is the only true course.”
“Peace can be settled in the heart of each who turns to the scriptures and unlocks the promises of protection and redemption taught therein.” President Boyd K. Packer 

only an ice cream cone

Only An Ice Cream Cone

There is a man we pass by every day who sits on a curb on the sidewalk.  He is usually alone, most often smoking a cigarette.  He has trouble speaking a little but and has some deformities.  Sister Fedas told me not to talk to him so for many weeks I only said, “Hello,” And we walked on.  As time went on I decided to ask him about God.  The next time I shared a message about Christ and tried to give him a Book of Mormon, but he cannot read well anymore.  Once as we passed he asked me for money and I was sad because I cannot give this poor man money for more cigarettes.  We continued passing him to and fro every day, always smiling and saying hello. 

And a few days ago my new companions and I were walking home in the hot sun.  I had purchased 2 ice creams because I am cool like that. J I was eating one and saving one for later.  Up ahead I saw this man sitting on the curb and immediately pulled out my second ice cream because I had 2!   I thought, it is a hot summer day, he has nothing and I have an ice cream just sitting in my bag!! As I walked toward him with the ice cream outstretched in my hand he lit up.  He was like a little boy on Christmas!  I almost choked up because it was such a small thing that evoked so much joy in him.  It was only a cold ice cream, but this man was absolutely beaming.  He thanked me and we walked on.  I couldn’t help but feel God smiling down at this man – His beloved child who has been dealt a hard life – holding a cold ice cream in his hand so completely happy. 

I think this moment will change me completely.  We can make such an impact and difference in the lives of all we meet as we think about Christ and try to do as He would do.  My heart almost burst in this one small moment – only an ice cream cone – but it meant the world to this man.  I know the Savior, Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father love this man.  Its one of those moments I will never forget.  We passed him again last night and he gave me a book of Ukrainian poems he wrote for children in 1977.  He is such a sweet little guy. 

Kylies Journal from the week:
  
      

Our investigator

My two cute Ukrainian companions wanted to celebrate for America on July 4 :D So we did. And then we handed out 3 books of mormon in 5 minutes. then 3 more later. SAY WHAT?!?!?!

sometimes I speak russian...

June 29, 2015

"So as mortals, we stumble, we lash out, we fail. And God does not always coddle us, despite genuine frustration and tears. But He is mindful of our progression. His watchful eye is always upon us, and through each difficult endeavor, HE IS THERE."

God is with me here in Cherkassy. 

We work for and because of our Savior. We do it all for our Savior, who has done all for us. How could we not want to give it all to serve Him with full purpose for this small time after all that he has done for us? This week I have been trying to work on learning to love the hard things. To turnoutward and to follow Christ. I read some pretty neat scriptures that have really given me strength.

3Nephi 12:10-12

Acts 5:41

Alma 31: 30-31, 38 If we want to be happy we forget ourselves and we go to work! :) 

Well with new companions and with renewed drive I began my second transfer ready to just absolutely kill it. Maybe I needed some humbling though. So maybe God has a little bit of a different plan, and I can still work so hard but maybe a little differently. I have two companions now. One has been serving for 9 months and is native and a mini missionary from Ukraine a convert of 8 months. Crazy! The mini missionary is great but sometimes it is a bit difficult because missionary work is hard work and sometimes she does not want to work. I realized maybe I am not fun anymore and God is giving me her to help me liven up and not be so serious. Though with Sister Fedas I laughed so much everyday (it was just while we are working) but now I don't laugh much. So God once again knows better than I do and my comps are seriously a blessing.

this week it rained seriously BUCKETS. We sang "its raining men" as we walked down the streets because it really was. Every street was flooded. Ha one funny story is that we were heading to a lesson with our investigator at the church and she called and said she had already been waiting 30 minutes even though we thought our meeting time was later. So of course we started RUNNING in the rain (I know dad is cringing right now) and I totally biffed it in a huge puddle of mud. OOOOOOPS! Don't worry I was not hurt just soaking wet and muddy for our lesson with our investigator.... kinda ploha! (bad) I know it but it was funny to me later. Ha I am sure that sometimes God is looking down like my missionaries are kind of little babies and he is just trying to lead us around and get us to listen to him. And sometimes we are not the best at it. 

Anyway I want to tell you so miracles of this week! 

Miracles of the week:

We have 3 investigators, Tatyana, Bazhena, and Alesa (girl from picnic friends with Danil). 3!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE i LOVE IT SO MUCH ANDi LOVE THEM! 

We went and visited the Treeputen's (a cute member family) because it was Ivanna's birthday and we brought her a treat and note (and I said love Sister Fedas too) and her dad was there. It was the first time I have met them. We talked for a little and left a spiritual thought and guess what?!?!?!?!? He came to church on Sunday with his family. MIRACLE.

We gave out 4 books of mormon tracting our dom and have one potential from that as well.

We went to visit Tamara and her phone was off and the door to the dom was locked and I did not know the code. We tried several times and could not get in. The other sisters were about to leave when I had a thought "3, 4" AND IT WAS IT. Miracle from God. And she really needed us to come yesterday. her grandson had just been yelling at her asking why she has not died already and all sorts of mean things. We sang and gave her a thought and she told us we gave her energy. IT was awesome.

We also got to help President clean out or library in our branch and for the first time here members invited us over to their home so we can teach them! I am so excited. :) We are going to do a fun teaching activity with the Restoration.

By the way. I speak Russian. Like what?! Not very good but that is serisouly a miracle in and of itself! I SPEAK RUSSIAN and I can even understand some Ukrainian. Who even knew?!?!?!?!?

I am so happy and so grateful for all that you do for me and for the messages you send me. It means the world and you are all the very best people. I am praying for the Carter's and hoping they are doing ok. God loves them so much I feel it and I am so sad they are going through this hard time.

CONGRATS to cody getting married!! can't wait to see them as a married couple. I am glad everyone is doing well. Make sure you all take care of yourself.

Oh and NANA! I heard you turned 25 yesterday. You are so young and spry and just the best.

Have a great week and have fun. I miss you all so much but I love Ukraine. your prayers help me so much. I am so grateful to have you all in my life. 

my mini misisonary sister belovodskya

sister pugachova and me

Love Cectpa Karren 

all done with transfer 1

This week was a good one.

I was able to spend my last week of my first transfer with my wonderful companion and trainer Sister Fedas. She goes home tomorrow and my heart is aching. I am continually learning how to trust in God more. Like how in the world am I supposed to do this all without my trainer?! I am so grateful for everything she taught me. It is weird because it feels like it has been years since I have seen you all but also that my first transfer has flown by. How can I already be done with my first transfer? 

Some of the things I learned from my companion:

-I learned how to love the people here. At first I was unsure how to get along with a native and we found that we were SO different. But service and love and lots of prayers later we have come to absolutely LOVE each other. The people here sometimes have a tough outer shell but they are all hurting a little bit inside and they need love more than anything. And I love these people. I learned how through the example of my companion. She is selfless and she loves to work. Every person is important.

-I learned that we are always missionaries. We can always be doing something more, always be striving to find more people and if we truly love God we want to find his children and to help them in anyway we can even if it is just helping someone with their garden. 

-I learned that Ukraine has amazing candy and icecream and that I am without a doubt going to be 1000 pounds when I come home. 

-I have learned how to be brave and to overcome fear

-I learned how I want to be when I finish my mission: STRONG in the gospel with a knowledge and relationship with my Savior and Heavenly Father than ever before

-I learned how to laugh so hard IN RUSSIAN

-I learned consistancy and how that is SO key in this work. God needs consistent missionaries.

-I learned to enjoy this mission and all the moments because it really wiill end someday and I will miss it so much

-Take advantage of every minute and to use every minute wisely

I learned many more things but I can not even list it

-Oh I learned a lot of Russian as well and also learned of one of my "gifts". Sister Fedas like Sister Rubio could not really speak English. She had a test for English this last week. While she was with me we worked really hard, spending every other day in English then the next day in Russian and always correcting each other no matter what- and she took her test and got a score of ADVANCED low!!!!!!! Sister Rubio and Sister Fedas both told me that with me they struggled with English then one day woke up and their minds were open and they just knew it. To me it sounds like their gift, and it is but they both said that it has only been with me and that I have a real gift for helping people to learn English. Why, I do not know. But that is cool!

So this week I was pretty sick and so we spent a lot of time at home calling people and preparing our area and many people in our city got sick too. But at the end of the week we were invited to the branch picnic. It is not quite like American picinics with watermelon and blankets in a park with maybe sandwiches or BBQ or something. We (grandma's and all) hiked in this forest and then got to this flat part in between the trees right on the huge river and we cleaned up the forest and then people started to play frisbee and football and Ukrainian games too and they cooked this millet porridge called Kasha and it to

ok like almost 3 hours and we had so many potential investigators there and it was the best day ever. I finally feel like this is my place. We needed to go and to interact with the members and I am starting to think we need to work more closely with them to find people because of all the bad and scary things that have been happening the past couple weeks. I felt safe and at home. Even if they can only speak Russian they were comfortable enough with me to joke and to laugh and it was amazing. I am so happy to stay here.

OH YA! Transfers.... I will be staying in Cherkassy with another Native girl and another native "mini missionary" I am so excited. Especially for the mini missionary. She will only be here for 4 weeks and does not really know English but that is ok, I can get better at Russian. CAN YOU BELEIVE my first transfer is over? I have almost been here for 2 months in Ukraine now. How does that even happen. I love it more and more everyday!!! And I am so thankful to be here. There have been some really tough and trying moments but it is ok. Problems that we face should not stop us from working. We can always work through them. 

Also I love being able to pray. Prayer is the most amazing gift. We get to converse whenever we want to with a father in heaven who created it all and he actually wants to hear from us about our small seemingly meaningless things, and he cares so much. When we pray he blesses us. I love what PMG says about the pattern for prayer and I want everyone to read it. Pages 93-95 we should read and use as a pattern to make our prayers more meaningful. 

I love you guys and I am so ready to just work so hard and to learn so much and to more fully be my Father's servant in this work! Jesus in John 15 talks about how in reality we are not his servants in this work though, he calls us his friends. How blessed are we.

I love you all so much! Be good and be happy and be safe. I will talk to you soon!

Love Cectpa Karren 

Goodbye to my trainer Sister Fedas <3 :)

letter to president

June 15, 2015

Instead of sending a big group message I will send you the letter I sent to president. I do not want you to be worried but I wanted to tell you about my week. Here it goes. I am ok just know that ok???

Dear President,

This week I finally just felt on fire. Me and Sister Fedas worked so hard and I felt like things were looking up. We had a goal of 2 new investigators this week and we were having revelation together as a companionship and working so hard. One day we did 5 and a half hours of contacting without breaks and we gave away 6 books of Mormon and promised one other to bring another one. It was an amazing day.

Though the past couple days I have to be honest, I have felt pretty sad, and a little bit frightened. I am not quite sure to write all that has happened so I am sorry if this letter is messy. We have been teaching an investigator who is 36 and his name is Andre. Things have been okay, and he has been up and down which I have felt like it normal. Friday morning we were in Kyiv to do my documents and sister Fedas had a dentist appointment so i was with Sister Rubio who also needed to do her documents. I had the phone from cherkassy and Andre called. I told him that we would be meeting later that evening and we would call if there were any problems getting back from Kyiv. He knew I was not with Sister Fedas, and so he called again, then again, then over and over and over. I stopped answering and was kind of mad and nervous because this is not normal for an investigator and I don't speak well on the phone! We had a lesson with him Friday evening, and after the lesson he started walking with us. We did not want him to know where we lived so after a while we told him we would be going this way to go to the store and he turned left and went down another street. We continued to walk and both Sister Fedas had the the feeling to just quickly pop into the store but neither of us said anything to each other because we both knew we did not need to buy anything. Saturday around 4 pm we got a call from Andre and he was upset. He asked us why we lied to him. I was confused and said, "what?" He then told us that he knew we did not go to the store and we asked him how he knew, because he had gone down another street far away from the store and could not have seen us. He told us he had good eyesight. sister Fedas asked him how he could have seen when he was in another street and he then said he did not see us he just felt it. It was weird but we still weren't terribly scared. Then he told us that he enjoys watching us and has watched us around the city and that it is normal for him to watch us and look at us and follow us. He acted completely serious and told us it was not strange and not to be surprised because "it happens." President we now know that our investigator has been following us around and watching us and it is creepy! We gave the teaching record to the elders and he came to church Sunday and told us that Sister Fedas and I are strange people. I am not quite sure what else to do but I did start to feel scared! All in all it is not normal and yesterday I felt so discouraged.

We had the Elders come over and give us blessings because Sister Fedas and I have also been feeling pretty discouraged and a lack of the Spirit the last couple days. Sister Fedas says that when she is out walking on the streets she feels a fear here. We seem to meet a lot of unusual people and have experiences where Satan is clearly there. Saturday night after we had called and called from our Area book and potential people one woman wanted to meet that evening and we were so excited! She seemed to remember exactly who we are and we asked if she would like to meet at the church or her home? she gave us her address and after English she called us and told us "they" were all waiting. We assumed it was maybe her family or some friends? And we hurridely got to her house. She opened the gate told us her name and we went inside and there were like 7 ish people there sitting on the ground and we introduced ourselves and they told us their names and asked us what we do. We told them we are missionaries and we preach the gospel. Before anything else was said a man started to play a film. Sister Fedas asked him what it was and how long because we thought they were gathered to hear our message. He told us it was 3 hours long and that they would take breaks for tea and to chat. We did not want to stay but it was started. Not knowing exactly what to do BUT WE SHOULD HAVE LEFT we sat for 5 minutes and I awkwardly opened my scriptures and started reading/writing Sister Fedas notes in my planner not quite understanding what was happening. I did not watch the film becuase I know we should not. But there was alcohol and killing and pornography and as soon as that happened both Sister Fedas and I stood up and gathered our stuff as quickly as we could and ran in front of the projector trying to open the door and get out but i could not get it open. Finally after all these people stood there and watched us struggling to get out and obviously distrot and in front of the projector with awful things happening on it they opened the door and we RAN away. We obviously made a very poor choice and immediately felt the spirit gone. It was so sad.  It was a very sad and dumb situation to have put ourselves in. I just felt that I needed to tell you about it.

Sunday was hard for us and we felt like we were not able to work well. We needed the spirit and we both felt fear about meeting more people like this and we continued to meet people on the street who talk about how their husbands killed their sons and such. These are just examples and I am not quite sure what to do. We seem to attract strange people and we often feel Satan's presence here in Cherkassy. I have been praying really hard and reading and studying the topics of fear and the Book of Mormon and the missionaries in cities where it seems harder than most. It has been difficult because we do not see the fruits of our labors but I also know that sometimes that is just how it needs to be. But I do not want to feel this fear and sadness. Today has been a bit better and I feel that I can stay here because I will do anything the Lord needs me to do. maybe this is just like the city Abinadi went to teach in- and the people had hard hearts, but there was Alma. And he needed to hear the message. I know that we can not always see how and why we are somewhere and see the fruits of the labor but that we are working for God. It is just hard sometimes when you see God's hand working and then you see so much of Satan's work too. i know this is just the beginning and God is trying to strength me I think, but I just needed some advice on what you think I need to do. I am sorry this is so long. And I am sorry I have made so many mistakes this week. taking the sacrament yesterday was a beautiful gift and I do feel clean. I am still not sure what to do about our former investigator Andre. And I want to teach people but I am just not quite sure how.

Thanks in advance for the help. Please let your wife know we are thinking about her and I hope she is feeling better. Thank you for taking good care of us and for always following the spirit. Have a great week!

-Sister Karren

They have this eternal flame in each city. In Cherkassy this woman holds it and she keeps everyone safe.