Sunday, July 5, 2015

letter to president

June 15, 2015

Instead of sending a big group message I will send you the letter I sent to president. I do not want you to be worried but I wanted to tell you about my week. Here it goes. I am ok just know that ok???

Dear President,

This week I finally just felt on fire. Me and Sister Fedas worked so hard and I felt like things were looking up. We had a goal of 2 new investigators this week and we were having revelation together as a companionship and working so hard. One day we did 5 and a half hours of contacting without breaks and we gave away 6 books of Mormon and promised one other to bring another one. It was an amazing day.

Though the past couple days I have to be honest, I have felt pretty sad, and a little bit frightened. I am not quite sure to write all that has happened so I am sorry if this letter is messy. We have been teaching an investigator who is 36 and his name is Andre. Things have been okay, and he has been up and down which I have felt like it normal. Friday morning we were in Kyiv to do my documents and sister Fedas had a dentist appointment so i was with Sister Rubio who also needed to do her documents. I had the phone from cherkassy and Andre called. I told him that we would be meeting later that evening and we would call if there were any problems getting back from Kyiv. He knew I was not with Sister Fedas, and so he called again, then again, then over and over and over. I stopped answering and was kind of mad and nervous because this is not normal for an investigator and I don't speak well on the phone! We had a lesson with him Friday evening, and after the lesson he started walking with us. We did not want him to know where we lived so after a while we told him we would be going this way to go to the store and he turned left and went down another street. We continued to walk and both Sister Fedas had the the feeling to just quickly pop into the store but neither of us said anything to each other because we both knew we did not need to buy anything. Saturday around 4 pm we got a call from Andre and he was upset. He asked us why we lied to him. I was confused and said, "what?" He then told us that he knew we did not go to the store and we asked him how he knew, because he had gone down another street far away from the store and could not have seen us. He told us he had good eyesight. sister Fedas asked him how he could have seen when he was in another street and he then said he did not see us he just felt it. It was weird but we still weren't terribly scared. Then he told us that he enjoys watching us and has watched us around the city and that it is normal for him to watch us and look at us and follow us. He acted completely serious and told us it was not strange and not to be surprised because "it happens." President we now know that our investigator has been following us around and watching us and it is creepy! We gave the teaching record to the elders and he came to church Sunday and told us that Sister Fedas and I are strange people. I am not quite sure what else to do but I did start to feel scared! All in all it is not normal and yesterday I felt so discouraged.

We had the Elders come over and give us blessings because Sister Fedas and I have also been feeling pretty discouraged and a lack of the Spirit the last couple days. Sister Fedas says that when she is out walking on the streets she feels a fear here. We seem to meet a lot of unusual people and have experiences where Satan is clearly there. Saturday night after we had called and called from our Area book and potential people one woman wanted to meet that evening and we were so excited! She seemed to remember exactly who we are and we asked if she would like to meet at the church or her home? she gave us her address and after English she called us and told us "they" were all waiting. We assumed it was maybe her family or some friends? And we hurridely got to her house. She opened the gate told us her name and we went inside and there were like 7 ish people there sitting on the ground and we introduced ourselves and they told us their names and asked us what we do. We told them we are missionaries and we preach the gospel. Before anything else was said a man started to play a film. Sister Fedas asked him what it was and how long because we thought they were gathered to hear our message. He told us it was 3 hours long and that they would take breaks for tea and to chat. We did not want to stay but it was started. Not knowing exactly what to do BUT WE SHOULD HAVE LEFT we sat for 5 minutes and I awkwardly opened my scriptures and started reading/writing Sister Fedas notes in my planner not quite understanding what was happening. I did not watch the film becuase I know we should not. But there was alcohol and killing and pornography and as soon as that happened both Sister Fedas and I stood up and gathered our stuff as quickly as we could and ran in front of the projector trying to open the door and get out but i could not get it open. Finally after all these people stood there and watched us struggling to get out and obviously distrot and in front of the projector with awful things happening on it they opened the door and we RAN away. We obviously made a very poor choice and immediately felt the spirit gone. It was so sad.  It was a very sad and dumb situation to have put ourselves in. I just felt that I needed to tell you about it.

Sunday was hard for us and we felt like we were not able to work well. We needed the spirit and we both felt fear about meeting more people like this and we continued to meet people on the street who talk about how their husbands killed their sons and such. These are just examples and I am not quite sure what to do. We seem to attract strange people and we often feel Satan's presence here in Cherkassy. I have been praying really hard and reading and studying the topics of fear and the Book of Mormon and the missionaries in cities where it seems harder than most. It has been difficult because we do not see the fruits of our labors but I also know that sometimes that is just how it needs to be. But I do not want to feel this fear and sadness. Today has been a bit better and I feel that I can stay here because I will do anything the Lord needs me to do. maybe this is just like the city Abinadi went to teach in- and the people had hard hearts, but there was Alma. And he needed to hear the message. I know that we can not always see how and why we are somewhere and see the fruits of the labor but that we are working for God. It is just hard sometimes when you see God's hand working and then you see so much of Satan's work too. i know this is just the beginning and God is trying to strength me I think, but I just needed some advice on what you think I need to do. I am sorry this is so long. And I am sorry I have made so many mistakes this week. taking the sacrament yesterday was a beautiful gift and I do feel clean. I am still not sure what to do about our former investigator Andre. And I want to teach people but I am just not quite sure how.

Thanks in advance for the help. Please let your wife know we are thinking about her and I hope she is feeling better. Thank you for taking good care of us and for always following the spirit. Have a great week!

-Sister Karren
They have this eternal flame in each city. In Cherkassy this woman holds it and she keeps everyone safe. 

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